FALLING: The Negative Ion Series Read online

  “Is that right?”

  “Oh, yes,” I murmured, rubbing my hand longingly along the seat behind him. “All this power rumbling between my legs… I’m sure there is nothing that could top it!”

  “Oh, yes there is. Me.”

  “Whatever,” I sighed, acting completely bored. “The bike is easier to ride than you. And it won’t turn me down.”

  “Turn you down?” Jaxen frowns. “When did I turn you down?”

  “Every time we’re alone and you give me those kisses of yours. Turning me on then turning me down. I’m starting to worry about you, Jaxen William Malloy.”

  Jaxen stared at me in disbelief. “Are you saying you’re ready? Really ready?”

  “What makes you think I wasn’t? Unzipping your pants that day on your parents’ couch should have been clue number four thousand, three hundred and fifty-one, Red. Seriously… learn to read a woman or learn to want me.”

  Jaxen stared at me again. His eyes became hooded and filled with want as he slowly dragged his tongue across his lip. I shuddered as I watched that completely erotic move and desperately wondered what he was thinking.

  “I want you,” he whispered. “I want you more than oxygen.”

  “Then show me,” I said as I stood in front of him. He snaked his free arm around me and yanked me to his body making my legs surround his right leg. I’m pretty sure he felt the heat between my legs on his thigh. His lips came to mine then and he kissed me, slow and deep, right in front of my mother’s house. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him right back, not caring one iota where we were or who saw us.

  Jaxen pulled back and caressed my bottom.

  “Are you sure you want to do this with me?”

  “I’d do almost anything with you,” I breathe.

  “Yeah? What won’t you do?” he smiled.

  “Kill. Rob. Steal… drugs.”

  “I’ve never done those things anyway. Well, most of them,” he grins.

  I look down and finger the zipper on his jacket.

  “You’re still smoking marijuana?” I whisper.

  He tilts my chin up and looks in my eyes.

  “Not since the day we became us.”

  I stare at him. “Really?”

  “I told you, baby: being with you is my satisfaction. I didn’t really need it before but sometimes it’s hard to relax. That’s what marijuana does for me. Or did. Now, you do that.”

  I smile at him then grin big. “I think you’re so sweet. Such a contrast to what you show everyone else. Is this the real you or that other persona?”

  “I have always been me; the ‘me’ I thought I wanted to be but now I want to be the real me, the ‘me’ I can be with you,” Jaxen murmured as he thumbed my cheek.

  I frowned. I heard that before… where? Think, Itsy! Where the hell have I… wait! I know! Holy…

  “You sang that… that’s lyrics to that song, the song you sang the night we got together.”

  He nods. “Ren and I wrote that, the night I finally accepted I was in love with you.”

  I stepped back stared at him. In love with me? Is he serious? I could not believe he just said that to me. I hurriedly took off my helmet and thrusted it at him. I glared at him as I snatched my backpack from in front of him and ran to my house, trying but failing to hold back my tears. Those betraying suckers flowed freely down my cheeks.

  I got to my front door and was fumbling with my keys when Jaxen ran up to me and turned me to him.

  “No! Leave me alone and go away! I never want to lay eyes on you again, Jaxen! God, I cannot believe how stupid I am!”

  Jaxen gave me a frightened look then pushed me against my door.

  “Why? What happened? What did I do?”

  “You know what the fuck you did!” I shout. “I’m so glad--” I hurriedly lowered my voice, remembering I was outside. “I am so glad I never gave myself to you, you big fucking liar!” I gritted. “I mean it! Go away and never, ever even look at me again while you’re breathing!”

  I turned then finally found the right key. I quickly went in and slammed the door. I startled when I saw my mother standing outside the guest bath under the stairs, staring at a white stick like it was about to turn into a snake at any minute. I hurriedly wiped my face but too late; Mom looked up at me and frowned harder.

  “Honey, I thought you were gone. What happened?”

  I walked to the window and saw Jaxen pacing at his bike, gesturing wildly as he spoke fast and heatedly into his phone. He gave a defeated look then hurled the phone in the street, which got run over right away, smashing it into pieces. Good, I thought. At least he won’t be calling and bugging me with his fucking lies all night.

  Finally, he climbed on his bike and left. I knew that asshole was lying. Love me? Right. Total and utter bullshit. Jaxen William Malloy loves no one. Nothing. Even he said so himself several times over the years I’ve known him.

  I turned back to my mother and started crying again as I dropped in front of the window. She flew over to me and held me, rubbing my head and murmuring to me to calm. I couldn’t. I had just gotten my heart broken.

  “Jaxen broke your heart?” Mom asked softly. “Did you fall in love with him, honey?”

  “Yes!” I cried, really pissed I said it aloud. “I’m so damn stupid! What is wrong with me? Why did it have to be him?”

  “The heart wants what the heart wants, honey. Yours wants Jaxen. What did he do to break your heart?”

  I sniffed and reached in Mom’s pocket, knowing she keeps fresh tissue in there as she rubbed my back.

  “It’s not important, Mom. I’ll get over him, especially when I leave. I’ll find someone in New York who won’t lie to me!”

  Mom’s arms tighten around me and I cried into her neck. Who am I kidding?

  “Who are you kidding, honey?”

  I startle again. Damn it. She’s reading my thoughts again.

  “What?” I whisper.

  “You’re in love with Jaxen. What makes you think you will ever find someone that will fill in for him? You need to see this through. Ask him why he lied, if he did.”

  “He did, Mom. Right to my face. I wanted to believe what he said but… no, it’s a complete and total lie, one you should never tell another human being you’re trying to be in a relationship with.”

  Mom pulled back and looked at me. “He cheated on you and lied about it, honey?”

  I shook my head and wiped my nose. “No. Worse.”

  “Worse? What could be worse… DID HE HIT YOU?!” Mom shouted then calmed immediately. “No, you said lied. Dammit, what did he lie about?”

  “It’s nothing,” I murmured, then grabbed the stick Mom was holding when I came in. I looked at it and my eyes widened. “Mom! You’re pregnant?”

  Now Mom’s eyes watered. “So it says, honey. I thought you were going to be my only baby. Now here I am damn near 40 years old and knocked up again. How the hell did this happen?”

  “Mom, you know how,” I giggle.

  She giggles too then sighs. “Of course I do but I don’t know how, you know? We used condoms. Maybe they were defective.” Mom stopped rubbing my back and froze. “Wait. Shit!”

  “What, Mom?”

  “How am I ever going to tell my child that he or she was conceived in the restroom at The Hampton Inn Restaurant?!”

  I frown. The Hampton Inn Restaurant? Wait… oh, no. No fucking way! I shudder and think back to the day my parents and I had lunch when Daddy was leaving to go back to New York. They had been getting along, I just had no idea this well. I remember Mom excused herself to take a call; some kind of emergency in a neighboring town that needed some assistance from her squad. A few minutes after she left the table, an old high school friend of mine came to our table and Daddy excused himself to check his flight. I paid no attention how long they were gone because Misty, my high school friend, chatted on and on about her life and seemed to be quite interested in mine.

  “MOM! Are you sayin
g this… this… this isn’t Marvin’s baby?”

  “No,” she whined. “It’s Sam’s!”

  “You and Daddy had sex in the restroom while I sat in the restaurant waiting for the two of you to return?”

  “Yes,” Mom sighed. “It wasn’t the first time since he came to town during that visit but we hadn’t slept together since we broke up 20 years ago.”

  My eyes widen. “What? When?”

  I cannot believe my mother blushed. “I didn’t have a nightmare the night of your graduation party. I was in my room with your father.”

  Boy, how glad am I now that I did not go in her room?

  “And the next night. He came over and we were supposed to talk about what happened the night before and ended up in bed again.”

  Jesus… my parents screwing. EW. And now they were having a baby. Yay!

  “Mom…”

  “I love him, honey. I never stopped.”

  “Then you should tell him as soon as you tell him about this baby.”

  “No, I will not tell him that. I have my pride, you know. He dumped me for my career choice and never looked back. He doesn’t care about me.”

  “Samantha and Parker think he does,” I whisper. “They think he is still in love with you and that is what is still bugging Terri. He loved you and not her, at least not in the same way.”

  Mom looked at me as if I’d grown a second head. “Really?”

  I nod. “Call him. Right now.”

  “I don’t know, honey. I don’t think I can tell him either of these things.”

  “You have to, Mom. He should know. Please,” I say, handing her my cell. “Call him. I’ll hold your hand.”

  Mom takes my phone after I unlock it and calls Daddy. She gripped my hand while she talked. Mom nervous. I’d never seen that before.

  “No, it’s not Itsy, Sam, it’s me. Shauna. Uh, Shay … Yes, I have … No, nothing is wrong with our baby… I’m fine, too. Sort of … Well, um that time, uh, our time in that restroom, at the restaurant, we didn’t use a condom and now, um, well, I’m sort of, a little bit pregnant.”

  Mom grows silent and holds her breath. I can just picture my father on the other end, his eyes wide and roaming around the room. This silence lasts for several minutes then Mom starts shaking.

  “What? Are-are you sure, Sam? ... Of course, I never stopped … What about my career? ... Yes, I know but … No, you’re right … Okay … Yes … YES! ... Now? ... Okay,” Mom laughs. “I’ll tell her. Okay, Bye.”

  “Mom! You forgot to tell him you love him!”

  “No, I didn’t, honey. I just agreed to marry him,” Mom grinned.

  “You didn’t!”

  “I did!” Mom shrieked. “He’s getting a flight out here. We’re going to have a long talk as soon as he arrives. I think I’m moving to New York, too!”

  I grin then. My family is coming together. My parents are getting married and having another baby, my brother and best friend are engaged and both are going to New York too.

  And I am alone. Again. Sucks.

  “Congratulations, Mom and best wishes in your marriage. Will you miss being a cop?”

  “No, not that I have the love of my life back. I’ll find something to fulfill my days. Oh, wait… I’ll have the baby! God, did I have fun with you and I’m looking forward to doing that again. Labor, not so much. That shit is so hard.”

  I laugh at that and hug her again.

  “But what you get in the end…,” Mom says as she rubs my head. “When you see that precious baby and raise her and watch her grow into a beautiful, caring and loving woman, well… it makes it all worth it.”

  “Thank you, Mom. I had a great role model for all of that.”

  We hold each other for a few more minutes then Mom gives my head one last rub and releases me.

  “Now, back to Jaxen. What did he lie about, honey?”

  I sigh. “He quoted a song he wrote and said he loved me.”

  “Okay. Go on.”

  “Go on?” I frown. “Go on to what?”

  “To the lie, honey. I’m waiting to hear the lie.”

  “That was it. He said he loved me.”

  Mom shakes her head then knocks… literally knocks… on my head.

  “Hello? Is there any sense in there?”

  “Ow, Mom!” I screech, yanking her hand away. “What?”

  “How can you not see Jaxen loves you? I think he’s felt that way for a while, way before you two started up.”

  “What are you talking about, Mom? Jaxen doesn’t love girls. He can’t. It’s so not in his nature. I’m just grateful I never had actual sex with him.”

  “Wait!” Mom shouts then shakes her head like she’s just been told oranges are actually purple. “You’ve never had sex with Jaxen? You’re still a virgin?”

  “Yes, I am. I’ve never had sex. We’ve done--”

  I clamp shut and go wide-eyed. Oh… God… kill… me… now!

  “What have you done?”

  I blush and look at my fingers.

  “Have you used your mouth, Itsy?”

  I shake my head as a sharp pain shoots through my chest and my heart beats faster.

  “He use his?”

  I shake my head again. I think this is a heart attack.

  “You use your hand?”

  I shake my head again. Yep, I’m going to die today.

  “He use his fingers?”

  My eyes widen even more and I know I turned burgundy as I breathe heavy in complete and total embarrassment as I slowly nod. This cannot be an acceptable conversation to have with one’s mother. Children’s services should be bursting through our door any second now…

  “That’s it?”

  “Yes,” I whisper.

  “He gave you an orgasm with his fingers and asked for nothing in return and you’ve been with him for how long?”

  “Forty-eight days,” I whisper again and drop my forehead to my knees.

  “Forty-eight dates and you still haven’t… um, are you scared to, Itsy?”

  “No, Mom! Oh, God… please let the ground swallow me whole now!”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because I’m sitting on the living room floor talking to my pregnant mother about the sex I am not having but want so bad with Jaxen and am thoroughly embarrassed to admit that he keeps turning me down!”

  Mom chuckles and I glare at her. She stops immediately then adopts a serious look.

  “Why does he keep turning you down, honey?”

  I sigh. “He’s always saying it’s not the right time, not special enough. Code for ‘I don’t want you, Itsy, stop asking.’ There’s only so much rejection I can take!”

  Chapter 8

  Maybe this is for the Best…

  Mom scowls at me and stands. “I did not raise a stupid child. Get up!”

  “What?” I blink.

  “Get. Up!”

  I nervously stand and look at her. We’re the same height so I can see directly into her eyes. They are on fire.

  “Grab that bag and let’s go,” Mom sighed as she grabbed her keys from the entry bowl. Picking up her purse, she turned and gave me that glare she gives to the officers under her.

  “But Mom--”

  “Oh, no. No buts. Out!”

  I grabbed my bag and ran out of the house, going straight to her car. I sold mine a month ago so I’d been depending on her car lately, which she gave me full use of because she usually drove her squad car. We silently drove for a few minutes and I stared at my fingers the entire time. When she put the car in park, I finally looked up. We were at Jaxen’s parents’ house. My eyes zoomed to Jaxen’s bike.

  “Mom, why are we here?”

  I didn’t mean to, but that was a whine. Like I was five.

  “Because I refuse for you to be as stupid as I was with your father. I do not want you to be 39 and pregnant by Jaxen because you threw caution to the wind at a restaurant and had mind blowing sex. If Jaxen is your one, keep him. Get him bac
k and see where this is going. If it ends at New York, then it will be as it should, not now when you’re being stubborn. Now get out of my car and go get your man back!”

  I stare at my mother. “Pregnancy has turned you into a shrew, you know.”

  “No it hasn’t. This is me when I feel strongly about something, when someone is acting stupid. You never do so you’re seeing it for the first time. Now go. I’ll wait right here until you settle things with that boy.”

  I sigh as I leave her car and slowly go to the door. I stare at it for a minute then ring the bell and step back as I wait for someone to answer.

  I hold my breath when the door opens. Sara.

  “Oh, thank God! He’s in the garage and it’s not pretty. John! Please go to Jaxen and tell him Itsy’s here! Would you like to come in, dear?”

  “No, thank you, Sara. I think Jaxen and I should talk out here. My mother is watching,” I say as I point to the car. Sara smiles and waves. Mom does the same.

  Suddenly, Jaxen runs full tilt to the front of the house and stops in front of the porch, breathing heavy and sweating profusely as he stares at me in disbelief.

  “I’ll just… I’ll be… right,” Sara says as I stare back at Jaxen. I next hear the door close behind me and aside from my mother’s eyes, and I’m sure Jaxen’s entire family in various windows, we are alone.

  I slowly walk down the stairs and stand about three feet away from Jaxen. He never takes his eyes from me.

  “I thought you never wanted to see me again,” Jaxen panted.

  “I didn’t.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  I point over to Mom’s car. “She made me.”

  Jaxen turns, nods at the car then looks back to me. “Okay. Why?”

  “She doesn’t think you lied.”

  “I know I didn’t. I’ve never lied to you, Kimber.”

  “I’m sorry, but I think you did.”

  “Care to tell me how?” Jaxen’s head tilts and he gives me a confused gaze. “What exactly did I lie about?”

  I look up and down the street and sigh as I focus on street sign. “You said you love me.”

  “You think that was a lie?” Jaxen said in a high-pitched yelp.